The Wrong Side Of Infidelity

Think for a moment and see if you can think of anyone who has had an affair.  It’s very, very likely that you do know of someone.  In many ways, this indicates just how prevelent it is.

Still, knowing someone, or of someone who has had an affair is very different from knowing what the impact is like when it happens to you.

And why is it that so few people have not the slightest idea what it’s like to experience the devastation that infidelity causes?

Is it that most people don’t care?  Is it that they would rather not think about it?  Is it the way the media portrays it like a soap opera?

Perhaps it’s all of these things.  Perhaps.  Either way, when you speak to those who have experienced it, you soon realise that it’s no small matter.  In fact, most will tell you that it’s devastating, that it’s the most dreadful and powerful event of their lives.

So how come nobody is really aware of that? Why is it, that very few people know about the shock, the depression, the hyper-anxiety, the weight loss (or gain), or the lack of sleep?  And then there are the images, the scenarios that are imagined by the victim of an affair, as they run in their minds, over and over again, the coupling, the intimacies, the shared laughter? 

I can’t help thinking that it is fear.  The fear that one day it could happen to you, and we know, sort of instinctively, that it would be hell on earth.  And perhaps we know, that it happens a lot, and that it is perhaps not so far away from happening to us.

Most of us know someone who has had a one-nighter, or maybe something more prolonged.  And yet, we still choose to never think about what would be the implications of it actually happening to us.

It is that very decision, that choice to never consider the possibility for more than a minute that causes the great shock when it does happen.  And when it does happen, the shock is staggering.  Browse around some infidelity forums and you will read of people referring to the event like being ‘hit by a train’.  Of how their entire world has virtually disintegrated, and how they wonder if they’ll ever get over it.  It’s hard to imagine that anyone does ever get over it, at least not completely, although every now and again some inspired soul will write in these forums that they have ‘won the battle.’  In these forums, you sense a togetherness born out of the uniqueness of the shared experience, like war victims who can only really converse with other war victims.  You had to be there, you had to see it to believe it, no one else will understand.

Soon, maybe in the next few years, as a consequence to increased exposure, there will be a new appraisal of how we deal with infidelity.  Maybe when someone tells us casually of their ‘fling’ or of how they are ‘playing away from home’ that perhaps we may point out what this actually does to people.  Maybe there will be a kind of mass enlightenment, in which gradually we come to understand that in many ways infidelity is a psychological violence, and we don’t tolerate that in other areas of life, so why should we tolerate it in acts of adultery.

Janice Townsend is a contributor for Healing An Affair and Getting Over An Affair
Both sites offer valuable resources for those overcoming the trauma of infidelity.

Article Source:http://www.articlesbase.com/infidelity-articles/the-wrong-side-of-infidelity-777864.html

The Laws Of Infidelity

Has there ever been a case of infidelity where no one got hurt?  It’s possible, but very unlikely.

So how come there are so many adulterous instances taking place?  Well, people are highly capable of being selfish, and especially in relationships, for relationships are usually based on reciprocal needs and desires, and are seldom based in pure love.s

And should anyone doubt this, then look no further than the percentage rates of adultery: Male adultery at 60%, and females at 40% and rising.  Clearly, relationships that are based purely on romanticism are not enough to withstand their desires for something else when their needs aren’t being met.  In adultery, one partner is going to get seriously hurt, and mature adults are very much aware of this.  But, when the time comes, and the conditions are ripe, they just don’t care. Off they go in something of a whirlwind dance of selfishness.

And one of the strange facts of life is that very few of us would reprimand such acts.  Indeed, there are instances in which friends of the adulterer will collude and almost ecourage such acts.  It all seems like fair game.  But is it?  Is it fair that someone should be so decieved, that they should be treated so shoddily and disrespectfully?  How many other areas of life is this kind of behaviour accepted?  Most decent people wouldn’t tolerate rascism, or sexism, or any other ‘ism’ you care to mention.  But the psychological violence that infidelity is, seems to be tolerated with alarming passivity.

And why is that?  Why is it that people with otherwise decent morals will suddenly turn a blind eye to an affair?  Perhaps because it is accepted: it’s acceptable behaviour to be passive in such instances.  In many countries, adultery isn’t a criminal offence.  Why is that?  Is it because many of our world leaders are themselves engaged in such acts?  Certainly, that doesn’t send the best message to its citizens, because the sub text of this omission of making it law, is that we tolerate infidelity.  And does it take a giant leap of imagination that we once tolerated slavery in much the same way.  Yes, that is an extreme example, but it all comes down to human beings being treated without respect.  And it seems that at the present time we are quite prepared to accept this particular aspect of disrespect and violence.

What will it take for this attitude, this passive attitude to change?  Will there come a time when it is happening so much that it will reach alarming statistics.  So much emphasis is given to the sanctity of marriage and of the family, and yet at the same time there is this dreadful hypocrisy running in parrallel.  Will it change?  Time will tell.

Janice Townsend is a contributor for Healing An Affair and Getting Over An Affair
Both sites offer valuable resources for those overcoming the trauma of infidelity.

Article Source:http://www.articlesbase.com/infidelity-articles/the-laws-of-infidelity-777865.html

Infidelity And The Road To Recovery

Yes, you can recover from the tragedy that infidelity is, but it may take some time.  Probably best to think in terms of twelve months minimum, and most likely two years.

This may not be what you want to hear just now, as you may be at the very beginning of your trauma.  However, don’t think that you will be feeling the same way as you do now, in twelve months.

Sure, it will still be painfull in twelve months, but nothing like it is in the initial stages.  In the beginning there is shock, and lots of it.  That feeling of having the ground beneath one’s feet removed it all too common.

That stage is almost unbearable, those first few weeks where you can’t see how you will ever get over the trauma, you’re raw and struggling to find land as you slosh around in the great sea.

At this time you would probably be advised to select your best friends and family members and start talking.  Get it out, unload, and don’t keep anything back.  Just about the worst thing you could do is to keep it to yourself and remain silent.

If you’re lucky, you will find one or two people amongst all your friends and family that will listen, and not try to influence you or make you more angry than you already are.  Sure, you want them to be on your side, but you don’t want them flaming your partner and thus

making the situation worse.

Choosing the help of a professional such as a councellor would be a wise choice, even if you’ve decided that your relationship is over.  A good councellor ( find one that you’re happy with ), will guide you towards areas that you would find difficult to approach by yourself,

and thus move you into the central states of your experience.  Infidelity affects people in different ways, albeit that the overall effect is extremely painful.  But some people find that anger is there dominant emotion, whilst others find it may be self-worth or guilt.

Either way, a good councellor will guide you gently toward looking internally at the various thought and emotions you are experiencing.

One of the most difficult aspects of infidelity and the road to recovery is that the positive changes are often small incremental steps, and those steps forward often seem inconsequential. 

Of course, you want to feel better immediately, you want the horrendous thoughts and feelings to stop right now.  They won’t.  Be prepared for a marathon, and not a hundred-yard dash.

Janice Townsend is a contributor for Healing An Affair and Getting Over An Affair
Both sites offer valuable resources for those overcoming the trauma of infidelity.

Article Source:http://www.articlesbase.com/infidelity-articles/infidelity-and-the-road-to-recovery-777875.html

Are You In Denial About Your Cheating Spouse?

Denial doesn’t change the truth…

According to nationally known top Private Investigator Bill Mitchell, most victims of adultery & infidelity are in DENIAL about being cheated on.

Most women, when confronted about the likelihood that there spouse is cheating  make claims that their spouses would never ever cheat on them. However, according to statistics this could very well happen to them

Basically, these folks don’t really want to come to terms with the fact that their husband or wife, boyfriend of girlfriend violated their deepest trust and commited and act of personal treason.

It’s easier for them, the person cheated on, to make excuses, deflect or even ignore all the obvious signs of cheating, even when deep down they know it to be true.

Denial is the place where they retreat that insulates them from the hurt and pain of reality.

What is denial?

Denial is a way to avoid facing the negative consequences of reality (i,e. the possibility of divorce, shame, ridicule, financial loss, etc.)

If  you’re unwilling to face that your partner cheated on you on either a conscious or subconscious level, you’re in denial.

• Denial is acting as though there are no problems to face.
• Denial is a defensive response you use to protect yourself from the pain, hurt or suffering as a result of a cheating partner.
• Denial is when you mask to hide your real feelings or emotions.
• Denial is a what you do to avoid conflict, disagreements or disapproval from your cheating spouse or partner.
• Denial is a way of retaining our sanity when experiencing unbearable pain.
• Denial is a way to repress the truth of our loss a way to continue to function in “normally.”
• Denial is a pattern of life for individuals who are compulsively driven to “look good.” (What will my friend and family think?)
• Denial is a way to avoid the risk of change as a result of problems or loss (I’ve been married for “X” years, what will I do?).

If all the tell-tale signs such as: Physical Appearance, How He Relates to You, Conversational Clues,  Work Habits,  Day-to-Day Behavior, Financial Affairs, Travel, Personality Changes,  Absences,  Telephone Tip-offs,  Car Clues, point to cheating and you decide not to deal with it, YOU’RE IN DENIAL!

Do you find yourself denying your very existence to make everyone around you happy. Just could be that you’re in denial.

Denial is a common option because…

1. You may feel you have too much to lose if you don’t. An example is the classic case of a married man or woman who is in love with someone besides their spouse, but they obviously can’t admit it because they have too much to lose. So they live a life of quiet desperation.
2. Nothing will come of admitting the truth. Just like the above scenario, the person lives in denial because, to admit to whatever, will not bring any change to a situation.
3. You can’t handle facing the truth. Some people live in denial because the truth is too much to bear. It might imply the worst about themselves or create conflict and contradictions too impossible to deal with.
4. You don’t want to hurt those who “love you”. Denying the truth about something might occur when we’re trying to protect those who love us.
5. You want to avoid arguments and debates. Sometimes we deny the truth to avoid getting into arguments with others. Some people will pick a fight and start trouble with the “truth,” so we just deny our true feelings.
6. You can’t handle rejection and ridicule. Many people deny what they really feel because if they admit to it, they will be either rejected or ridiculed and their pride or low self-esteem can’t handle it.

But, the reality is…

1. Your situation will only get worse as time goes on; hiding your head in the sand, turning to alcohol, drugs, or work, won’t change how you really feel.
2. Adultery/Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal, in fact it’s nothing short of a fatality.
3. Not knowing the truth leaves you feeling hopeless and helpless.

There’s Another Option…

One option is to nothing by burying your head in the sand believing that things will change. Unfortunately, they won’t. The longer you put off dealing with it, the more painful it will be to deal with later on when reality finally sets in.

The best option is to take action and catch them in the act.

It’s time to act, now. Uncover the facts and let the truth set you free .

Get a copy of the free report How To Get The Truth Out Of Anyone.