Steve McNair: The Ultimate Price For Cheating On Your Spouse…

I think Jason Cole, Yahoo Sports, summed up our feelings about the tragic death of Steve McNair in his article: Fans can’t avoid “the elephant in the room” at McNair’s memorial “There are a year’s worth of sermons and lessons that people could take from the death of Steve McNair at the hands of his unstable mistress.”

Here’s a man who seemingly had everything – beautiful wife and children, fame, money and the respect of his peers and community, yet something was obviously terribly wrong.

Steve McNair paid the ultimate price for cheating on his wife – death.

Somehow the public’s fascination with the rich and famous desensitizes them to the fact that a wife is now a widow, children are now fatherless and friends and family are left “struggling with questions.”
This incident should remind us that infidelity has consequences. It causes pain to everyone involved directly and indirectly.

Regardless of your position in life whether private or public the betrayal of marital infidelity destroys lives. Even if you’re not married; but in a committed relationship, the betrayal of trust hurts. It erodes the injured parties’ ability to trust in the future for fear of being hurt again.

We are not privy to the intimate details of the McNair’s marriage.  It remains a mystery. What is apparent is that his affair was very public by all indications, most notably the now infamous TMZ photo.

The unfortunate truth however is that most men and women involved in with a cheater will never take action. Whether out of fear of finding out the truth (denial), fear of financial loss, or fear of physical harm they simply acquiesce to the reality that their husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on them.

The real question will you take action if you suspect that your spouse or partner is cheating on you?
For most of us, if infidelity should strike our relationships, it will be far from the scrutiny of the media. It will be personal, but no less painful.

Breaking news of cheating spouses in recent weeks lets us know that the incidents of cheating are on the rise, not the decline.

Cheating on your spouse is fast becoming the norm, not the exception as evidenced by Governor Mark Sanford, South Carolina and Jon Goesslin star of the reality T.V. show Jon & Kate Plus 8.

What Can You Do If You Suspect A Cheating Spouse?

If you suspect your spouse or significant other is cheating, you have two options…

1. Do Nothing…
2. Get The Truth

Go here for my report, How To Get The Truth Out Of Anyone

Why Catch The Cheating Spouse – Part2

Reasons Why Women Stay In Bad Relationships…

Let me share a few. (Albeit, these are mostly reasons that women stay in bad relationships).

• He will change.
• He pays my bills.
• Am used to him and I know him better than the devil.
• He has infected me with an incurable disease so who will want me now.
• I have a child or children with him; let me stay for their sake.
• I can’t feed the kids, care for them nor educate them.
• I feel obligated because he has done so much for me e.g. he bought me a car, etc
• Scared of starting another relationship because the next guy might be worse than him.
• I still love him even if he hits me when he loses his temper or comes home drunk.
• He says he still loves me and cares for me.
• I have already spent then prime of my life with him and am older now, so let me just stay with him.
• If I leave, my family and friends will talk and say I have failed to keep my marriage.
• I don’t have a job as I left high school to stay with him; where will I go?

Here’s the truth. Believing any of the above is just feeding into a lie. My experience has shown me that “change isn’t change, until its change”. Until YOU decide to make a change, nothing will happen.

Consequences of being with a cheater…

The Blame Game: These feelings of guilt motivate the cheater to demonize the faithful spouse or lover in an attempt to justify their affair.

You Pay for Their Bad Behavior: The cheating spouse will tell their story often and to anyone who will listen, to the point that they will finally begin to truly believe that the left behind spouse deserves punishment. The faithful spouse is the offender and the persecutor and needs to be dealt with harshly.

Shocked and Awed: The faithful spouse will question their own sanity and replay their marriage in their mind trying to find some hint of all the unhappiness they are told of by the unfaithful spouse.

Disease: Potential for STD’s and other sexually transmitted diseases.

Children: Children are damaged in the process, sometimes being scarred for life as one or the other parent is made to be the villain by the other.

Relationships: Family and friends are hurt as a result of infidelity. They often feel forced to take sides.

Summary: Choosing to find out the truth or not is a choice only you can make. However, although the truth may be painful, that pain will only last for a season. What about the pain and anguish of a life wasted? If you’re married to someone or in a committed relationship with your partner and you suspect them of cheating, there are already deeper problems with the relationship. Apparently, there have already been “red” flags of potential infidelity.

Remaining in a state of limbo in your relationship is a sign of low self-esteem or at the extreme a sign of insanity.

Finding out the truth, either that they have been unfaithful or that you’re concerns were unfounded (then you really need help with your issues) is the only way to move forward in a healthy and positive way.

Want to find out the truth, How To Catch The Cheating Spouse.

Divorce Factors

When is divorce necessary? When differences become irreconcilable of course. When else? Factors leading to divorce could be tiny things, like leaving toenail clippings in the bath, dirty socks in the bedroom or even snoring. Hardly earth shattering stuff, but to a once loving couple, these little trivialities can quickly escalate into a daily nightmare. Eventually, one or other of the partners is going to blow a fuse. After all, people are only human.

There are major factors leading to divorce as well, such as repeated drunkenness, violent outbursts, and chronic addiction to gambling. In these enlightened days where the credit crunch stings and purchase of both fuel and food require a second mortgage, the financial difficulty may also lead down the slippery garden path towards divorce. It is after all, a rich man’s world. Having said that, it could me a rich woman’s too.

Then of course, that age-old problem called infidelity is probably one of the biggest factors to couples parting the ways. Naturally, when one or both parties are not really at peace with each other, it’s only to be expected that they should seek solace in the company of another. After all, people are only human. “To err is to be human,” said Dr Johnson. He’s dead right! So what’s all the fuss about? If two people end up hating each other’s guts, come to blows, and terrify the kids out of their living wits in the process, perhaps divorce is for the best.

Ah yes, kids, that’s where the trouble usually starts. Let’s face it when little baby Harry howls his socks off at 2.30am and the entire neighbourhood is alerted to this fact, tension runs high. After all, a bread-winning dad needs his sleep otherwise he no longer functions properly at work. So that’s another irritating little factor to shovel onto the heap of marital dissent. Good, hardly enough to file for a decree absolute for though is it? Yes, it is, especially when dad gets plastered in the Rose and Crown before returning home from work each and every night.

Still, apart from saving distraught unhappy couples their sanity, divorce brings prosperity to the many solicitors and legal advisors, eager to dispense divorce litigation. Without divorce, scores of well-meaning, industrious and useful barristers, judges and court officials would end up becoming unemployed. Yes, divorce is definitely a necessary evil, for the good of all humanity.

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Divorce Support For Parents: A Guided Parent Child Conversation

Children coping with divorce have difficulty because their perceptions of reality are forced to change. To understand their challenge, I have created a concept to help children and parents visualize the dilemma they face when confronted with these changes. It is called the “Lifeline;” that is, we live on a continuum which begins at birth and ends at death. Wherever we are at on the continuum, we tend to base our present beliefs and our future expectations on our past experience. Thus, we lead our daily lives needing the security of our past perceptions.

For children who are born into relatively healthy homes, life patterns are learned from their family and environment. They learn to anticipate tomorrow’s outcomes, based on today’s experience. The evidence from the past provides them with a picture of what will come next and makes them feel secure. When divorce occurs, they cannot incorporate the new information into their secure picture of the future. They feel at first as if they are floating aimlessly without an anchor.

Although there are healthy ways to tell children about divorce, children’s Lifelines are compromised as they receive this new information. Children’s past perception – that their mother and father loved each other – is called into question. Their assumptions that they will continue to live in their home with their parents, is altered. They feel like they have nothing left to base their now on. Thus parents need to help them regain their base and rebuild their Lifeline.

Following is a conversation you might have with children to help them cope:

1. Reconstruction of the Lifeline starts with a simple drawing. Draw a straight line ________ with an arrowhead on the left side > representing birth and an X on the right side representing death. Explain, “We don’t know how life will play out anymore than we know the end of a story in a book or movie. But generally we have a beginning,” you point to the arrow, “and an end,” point to the X.
2. Then draw a dot on the line, “Let’s say this is where you are on your Lifeline. You live everyday with an understanding of your world based on what you know about how things work in our family, at school, with friends, and in your activities.”
3. “When we told you that we were divorcing, you might have felt scared. You might have asked yourself, did mom and dad ever love each other? It could have made you question your past and feel that what you believed to be true just wasn’t true.” Then erase the line to the left of the dot. “It might have made you feel that your past wasn’t really true.”
4. “And I’ll bet that you also might have felt confused about the future. You have always lived with us in the same house and community. And you probably can’t imagine what it would feel like if it were different. So it feels like your future is unknown.” Then erase the future line. Add, “I understand that it might feel like everything has changed. The past doesn’t feel the same because you question what you thought. And the future doesn’t seem the same because we will have two homes and mom and dad won’t be married.”
5. Finally you can help your child redefine and redraw the past. “Yes, it is true that much has changed with the divorce. And sometimes when we have something big in our lives change it feels like everything is different. Let’s take a moment, however, to look at what stays the same.” Draw a staggered line – - – - – from birth to the present. “If we look at the past, we can be sure that mommy and daddy loved you. And we both loved each other for many years. We know that Grandma and Grandpa love you. Can we be sure about that?” A child might say, “Yes.” Then draw a little bit more of the lifeline. “We can also agree that you have many good friends at school and that you like many activities. We could agree that we’ve had good vacations too. We like our community and we live in a nice neighborhood where you have enjoyed playing and running around with friends. Am I correct so far?” Draw a bit more of the staggered line. “Okay, now you draw in more of the past and tell me about it?” As she tells facts about her life, she draws in more of the Lifeline. Although the line is never perfectly solid, she begins to visualize that even though her parents are divorcing, not everything is lost and she feels a bit more steady.
6. Now you help her redraw the future. Say, “If we were to look at what does not change in the past, then what do you think will carry over to the future?” She might say, “I’ll still have my sports.” And you say, “Yes, you will. So let’s draw some of that in.” And she continues to list those things that will remain the same. Some children will remain in their home and at their school. They will have the same friends and activities. These are anchors for children coping with divorce. As the child draws in more of the Lifeline from present to future, she gains stability. You might say, “It’s true that we cannot control or predict the future and this might make you feel uncomfortable. But we always have things that remain the same in the face of change and those things can make us feel safe and secure.”

Although some children need more in depth processing when faced with their parents’ divorce, many children respond well to the Lifeline framework. It gives parents and children a common language.

Laura Doerflinger, MS, a licensed mental health counselor, is the Executive Director of the Parent Education Group at http://www.familyauthority.com/ and the author of the audio book, Anger Management for Parents and Teens.

Copyright 2009 Parent Education Group – Reprints Accepted – Two links must be active in the bio.

Article Source:http://www.articlesbase.com/divorce-articles/divorce-support-for-parents-a-guided-parent-child-conversation-781815.html

How To Save Your Marriage After Cheating

A marriage is seriously damaged when one or both partners are involved in extramarital affair. Marriage is a covenant whose basis is in mutual trust.  When trust is lost between a married couple,  it threatens the very the foundation of the marriage, often beyond the point of repair.

The pain and bitterness resulting from an extramarital affair leaves both parties emotionally damaged. Both the person who cheated and the victim of thier infidelity are hurt. It is difficult to acknowledge that your partner has broken their marriage vows and after the period of denial, when the truth finally sets in, pain and anger generally follow. You are saddened, angered, reviled by the sense of ultimate betrayal.

Only you can determine if you want to save your marriage.  And, this decision can not be made lightly. The road back to sanity in the marriage will be long and hard. While you may forgive the cheating spouse, you have been violated and your ability to trust implicitly has been compromised.

Often the cheating spouse will place the blame on his or her partner. Cheating spouses often attempt to justify their cheating attempting to tear down the esteem of the injured party. Regardless of their flaws or even their culbability in the situation, the person who cheated made the choice to do so.

Only you can decide if you truly want to forgive your partner. It will be an extremely hard decision to make. But with proper counseling and a decision and commitment to honesty the relationship can be healed and trust restored.

If you feel your marriage can be saved, then it is important to sit down with your partner and careful discuss why this happened and what can be done to repair the marriage and to restore the relationship.

I advocate marriage counseling for both parties. As stated in previous post, the problem is not the cheating. The problem is the relationship.  A counselor can help both parties understand the underlying triggers that led to the infidelity.

Don’t make any quick decisions. Both partners need to really talk and decide whether their they want to rebuild their relationship and work on themselves both as individuals and as a couple; and why. Make sure that this is understood from the beginning so that high expectations will be tempered with judgment.

Now, if you’re beyond this point (maybe you’re married to a habitual cheater and you’ve had enough) then getting irrefutable proof to end the relationship once and for all may be your best option. Discover how you can find out the truth, quickly, easily and affordably with down to earth simple advice you’ll find in  CatchACheatingSpouse.

Why Spouses Cheat|Ten Reasons Spouses Cheat!

Why Do People Cheat On Their Spouses?

Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men cheat on their spouse at some time or another during their relationship.

What these findings suggest is that approximately one half of all married men and women seek intimacy outside of their committed relationships. But what does this really mean and why are the number of men and women having extramarital affairs so high?

The question is always why. Why do people do what they do, what makes them cheat on their partners. While the reasons may differ from individual to individual, people cheat because …are you ready? BECAUSE THEY WANT TO!

Before we go there, here are some of the common reasons given for why men and women are unfaithful.

Top 10 Reasons Men Cheat

1. He doesn’t love her anymore
2. She doesn’t turn you on anymore
3. Women let us
4. Your girlfriend is a nag
5. Opportunity
6. Boosts your ego
7. You can get away with it
8. It’s challenging and exciting
9. She cheated on you
10. She doesn’t put out anymore

Top 10 Reasons Women Cheat

1. Revenge for your cheating
2. Exit strategy
3. Bedroom boredom
4. You’re emotionally unavailable
5. Feeling neglected/ignored/underappreciated
6. Lack of intimacy
7. Revenge or payback for past wrongs (not because you cheated)
8. Self-esteem
9. Being a Bad Girl
10. Not enough sex

This may come as a complete surprise, but most extramarital affair statistics show that cheating is not about sex. What then, is the main factor that causes infidelity? One should pay attention to the signs of spousal cheating. More often than not, it involves intimacy issues when one spouse feels as though their emotional needs are not being met. Yes, it is true in most cases of infidelity about wanting to feel emotionally connected to someone.

If you’re spending more time away from home, working, hanging out with your friends or immersing yourself in a new hobby, your partner may begin to feel lonely. Your spouse of significant other may feel unloved or emotionally disconnected. And if you aren’t giving them the attention they desire, they may go looking elsewhere for it. This is one of the most common reasons for infidelity.
In the end, “people cheat because they want to.”

Unfortunately, most people only see the symptoms and thus address them. Long after the damage is done, and intimacy is broken, the relationship begin to manifest the tell tale signs.

Perhaps you believe your noticing the cheating spouse signs or you have some gut feeling that your husband or wife is stepping out on you.

Habitual Cheating. Now this is something you must enquire about before you get into a relationship. You see often what happens is that some people have a tendency to cheat. It is probably a good idea to check on your lover’s history before you enter into any long term relationship.

If you’ve got that gut wrenching feeling and sour taste in your mouth, maybe we reinforced some preconceived feelings.

There’s only one way to be sure.

Find Out How To Catch The Cheating Spouse Right Now.

How to Survive a Cheating Spouse – What to Do Before Making Emotional Decisions

How To Survive After Being Cheated On

Can your relationship survive after infidelity? It all depends on how long you have been in the relationship. You will want to think long and hard as to whether you want to renain in the relationship. Is it worth fighting for?

Cheating ruins relationships. In fact, it is one of the major causes of separations and divorces. You can work through the restoration and reconciliation process of your relationship after an affair and I will give you three easy steps on how to survive a cheating spouse and get your relationship back on track.

Plan Before Confronting the Cheating Partner

Before confronting the cheating partner with your evidence and signs of infidelity, have a plan as to what you are going to say. It would also be to your benefit to choose a location ahead of time. You want to be prepared, and to stay calm. Do not put yourself in a situation where anger or rage could lead to a physical altercation.

Don’t Rely On Your Emotions, They Will Fail You…

If your partner has an affair it can leave  you feeling degraded.  This is emotionally devasting. However you need to keep your cool.  As counter-intuitive as it sounds, this is not the time for an emotional outburst. Losing control of your emotions gives your partner ammunition to manipulate the situation.

Don’t Become A Cheater Because They Did

Unfortunately some people think that in order to survive an affair they have to retaliate against the cheating spouse or cheating partner by having their own affair. This never works in anyone’s favor. It is no good fighting fire with fire and will only lead to an eruption of emotions for everyone involved.

Affairs are painful.  Following the affair, everything is awkward, painful, and difficult. It’s completely normal to want to skip several painful steps and just move on. Many take the tactic of “if I don’t think or talk about it, it doesn’t exist.” This sounds good in theory, but it often comes back to haunt you. If you don’t take the time to deal with, fix and work through the multiple issues that go hand in hand with an affair, these things will come out in their own way – often in ways that aren’t pretty or healthy. You may become angry or bitter for no apparent reason quite suddenly. You may find yourself muttering insults and sarcastic accusations under your breath. You may feel resentment that doesn’t go away.

Do you know that there are clever tactics that you can secretly use to catch a cheating spouse within seconds? CatchACheatingSpouse reveals simple tricks you can use to catch a cheating spouse. These ways are so effective that they are guaranteed to reveal the truth and end all the lies within seconds…. You can’t afford to miss this at any cost. Visit CatchACheatingSpouse now for more information.

10 Signs of an Unfaithful “Cheating” Wife

Consider the Following Signs of A Cheating Wife…

You have been dating the same woman for over a year and you are considering buying her a diamond ring and proposing marriage. You start to look at rings and you actually put a payment down on one. Then, a week later you plan to surprise your girlfriend and take her out for her favorite meal at your favorite restaurant. When you arrive to pick her up, you find her with another man, in bed. Later, you find out it has been going on for months.

Possible Signs of a Cheating Wife

1. Highly suspicious – Believe it or not, the guilt that having an affair brings can make a cheating wife obsessive and controlling. She may even accuse you of having an affair in the hopes that her guilt will be met by yours. If she suddenly starts asking a lot of questions about where you’ve been and if there are any other women, look out.
2. Watch out if she seems to be unusually happy. Lately she has been very excited and happy except when you are around. Say, for example, you are meeting her and some friends at a club. As you are walking in, you see her sitting and laughing with her friends. As soon as she spots you, her mood may quickly change. She may become indifferent to being there and having fun, as if she wishes she were anywhere else but with you. She may also begin to be grumpy or even try to pick a fight. All these emotions could be signs that she is hiding a dark secret from you, and she’s trying to compensate for an extramarital affair the best way she can.
3. Your wife calls out another man’s name in bed. Whether it is when she is making love to you or just talking in her sleep. If she’s thinking about another man enough to say his name in the marital bed, this is a sure sign your spouse is cheating.
4. One of the really subtle signs your wife is cheating that you may not even notice is the passenger seat in her car. Many women pick up their lovers and drive them to some remote location for their interlude. If your kids are typically the ones sitting in that passenger seat and every once in a while the seat is pulled farther back, you should be ask yourself, why that is.
5. Changes in sexual behavior can also be signs of a cheating wife. Decreased desire for sex could be due to any number of factors, including stress or fatigue, but if your wife suddenly starts avoiding having sex, it is a cause for concern. Some women who are cheating will actually seek out sex with their spouses more often. This might be out of guilt or as a deliberate ploy to keep the husband from suspecting her extracurricular activities. Increased sex drive can also result from other things like hormonal changes, so it is best not to take that in itself as a sign of infidelity.
6. A drastic change of activities in the day is also another sign of a cheating wife. If she goes out to “shop” more often, or has “lunch” with her girlfriends much more frequently, this could be reason to examine your situation more closely. Also if she seems reluctant to divulge the details of the venue (the exact restaurant or the names of the friends who are joining her for lunch), there is a chance that she is having an affair.
7. The mileage on the car racks up, and suddenly her vacation days at work seem to have dwindled. She might be getting dressed for work and leaving the house, only to drive to the next town over to visit with her lover. She has been taking days off work to be with him! Check into her sick days and vacation time, and if you see there is time off unaccounted for; make a note of it.
8. With communication so easy with cellular phones, texting, phone media and so on people can connect with each other whenever they feel like it. The capricious highs of infidelity tend to lead to secretive communications becoming more frequent. If you find your wife often talking on the phone out of earshot or if you answer the phone only to have the caller hang up on you, there may be reason for concern. Also if you find she suddenly clears all her messages, text & voice, when she used to leave them there before, ask yourself why the sudden attentiveness to her cell phone mailbox. Just make sure she’s not planning a surprise birthday party!
9. Watch out for expensive gifts. Most of the women like shopping but they are generally reluctant to purchase exorbitant items for themselves, especially if they know their husbands are money conscious. If there is a new man in her life, she could be buying him gifts.
10. People often think that if someone is having an affair, then they will neglect their partner. This is often the case, but surprisingly the reverse is sometimes true. This is because of guilt. Women suffer more from guilt than men. So a cheating wife might appear extra nice when she’s with you, buying you gifts, cooking special meals and so on. The real giveaway in my experience is that despite this attention, your wife or girlfriend will probably find reasons for your sex life to become far less satisfactory.

These are all signs of a cheating wife. It does not mean that your wife is cheating but if you recognize significant changes in her behavior, such as those mentioned above, you will want to find out what is going on.

If you suspect your spouse of cheating, stop hiding your head in the sand hoping the problem will go away. Learn the truth now! Visit How To Catch A Cheating Spouse and discover proven and effective techniques to discretely catch your spouse in the act. Don’t be left in the dark wondering, waiting, and hoping the problem will resolve itself. Go to  How To Catch a Cheating Spouse and learn the truth – you’ll be glad you did!

How to Know If Your Spouse is Lying

When spouses cheat lying about the affair the natural outcome. The best way to handle this is to listen to each word they say carefully to catch any slip ups they do. See if the lying cheating spouse says something abnormal. For example, you can see if they say they have been somewhere where you know for sure that they have not.  Free Report: How To Detect Lying and Deception by a Romantic Partner

Watch That Eyes. Your spouse is sure to take their eye off you while saying a lie. (Please do not apply these to unnecessary issues and create a fight.) Evasive eye contact is usually a sure sign of lying.

Simple questions will take them off-guard.  Pay attention to facial expressions when they answer your question.

Voice inflection. It is common for a lying spouse to use a lot of fillers. There may be a sudden change of voice quality or tone. Stuttering, unsureness, etc.  All the previously non-existent signs begin to surface. Psychologists would suggest, it is the symptom of an imbalanced talk which is associated with lying and concealing.

Violent Eruptions.  If your spouse explodes every time you prod a little into his or her whereabouts during a particular time of the day,they may be afraid that the truth will surface. Violent eruptions can come about as a result of fear or as a tactic to get you off their back. Repeated episodes of unprovoked anger, especially about innocent inquiries are a sure sign that he or she is lying.

Are they just talking too much? – This is another sign of a liar! A liar would start filling in the space with unnecessary conversation because they just want to cover all corners. You see lying makes a normal person do strange things therefore if your spouse doesn’t really talk that much and has started talking too much all of a sudden then there is something wrong for sure.

Spouse starts mumbling. Instead of giving details about his or her actions, you might find that your spouse suddenly start mumbling about late night office meetings or hanging out with friends without giving you their names. Your spouse might also start thinking long and hard before giving any answers or might interject sentences with ‘umm’ or ‘err’.

Do you know that there are some stunning tricks which you can use to catch a cheating spouse within seconds? The Catch A Cheating Spouse Book reveals simple tricks you can use to catch a cheating spouse. These ways are so effective that they are guaranteed to reveal the truth and end all the lies within seconds…. You can’t afford to miss this at any cost. Click here for Free Report on How To Spot A Lying Spouse.